First Bottle

Tonight Will had his first bottle. This is the next step on the road to coming home which may be as early as Monday. He took 20 cc and then was pooped. His nurse (a favorite of mine) said with every feeding he'll get stronger and more efficient and may even get better at nursing. He was so alert during his bottle and we took so many pictures to document this event.
He gazed at Nanny, his nurse Kim and Mommy stealing all of our hearts!


This preemie is now 5 grams short of 5 pounds, 14 ounces!! We may bring home a six-pound baby after all. Even though I know we've prayed about it and asked for others to pray about it, I am amazed by God's answer to those prayers. He's actually fat!

Tomorrow Will has his brain ultrasound. I don't know when we'll hear any results and it may not be until we are home that we know any more information. Today was not an easy day for me because of the ultrasound's looming presence. I was struggling with being honest with myself about the fear I feel. Because the Bible says "Do not be afraid" so often, I felt like feeling fear wasn't okay even though I couldn't get away from it no matter what I prayed. My prayers went something like, "Jesus...(sobbing uncontrollably)..." and then I couldn't say anymore.
I called a long-time family friend and pastor to ask his advice on this. He asked me why I thought the Bible said "Do not be afraid" so often and I said it is because it's an emotion we feel so often. This reminded me of yet another reason why the Bible is so relevant in our daily lives--God knows our humanity and He speaks to it.
Our conversation wasn't one that took away all of my fears but he did remind me to remember what I know is true about God when my heart is full of so many "what ifs". He said to remember that God loves me with an everlasting love, that God can be trusted, and that He doesn't make mistakes. Remembering those truths also helped me not to be consumed by fear even though I still feel it.
If you think about it tomorrow, please pray for Will's ultrasound to be clear. That doesn't mean he will not have any developmental problems, but it will mean his chances for something like cerebral palsy are vastly reduced. Please pray for Andrew and me as we wait for the results. It could be a very long weekend. For Will to come home on Monday, he needs to be eating 45 cc orally every three hours. This seems like a huge feat but he is a little conqueror and we're praying for his success in this. He is still prone to infection so we are keeping that and his weight gain in our prayers. He hasn't had a low heart rate since Tuesday morning and as long as he doesn't have any more, he can come home without a monitor.

Again today, in the middle of my tears, I feel like I was reminded of God's compassion and faithfulness to our family. My friend Leigh, who watched Libby this week; my mother-in-law, who kept Libby a little longer today to give me some time to regroup; my mom, who came over after work to lend a helping hand (just like she does every day); and my neighbor, who stopped us on our walk to give us stuffed shells she'd made, all were reminders to me that God loves me with an everlasting love and He can be trusted.

Ephesians 3:17 "And I pray that Christ will be more and more at home in your hearts, living within you as you trust in Him."