After I had my c-section, I couldn't believe how painful it was. Everything hurt. It hurt to breathe, to walk, to get out bed. But I did all of those things so I could see Will and he would know that his Mommy was there. I did all of those things so that I could spend time Libby and snuggle her in the best way I could even though it hurt to hold her or walk around the yard with her. And I feel the same way again. It hurts to breathe, to walk and to get out of bed. And I am doing all of those things so I can go and see Will and so Libby knows that I am here.
One thing that comforts me right now is that the acute pain from the surgery did eventually fade. Little by little it didn't hurt to laugh or cough or sneeze. I didn't think it would ever go away and even now if I move a certain way or do something too quickly there is a twinge. Of course, there is also a scar.
I think this is how the news of Will's diagnosis will settle in. We are grieving the loss of what we wanted. We are grieving the loss of our picture of normal and perfect. I would never say anything to make myself or anyone else feel better about this process. It is necessary and it hurts more than anything I've ever experienced.
This is a time that we need to feel protected and loved. I am not showing my c-section scar to everyone I talk to about Will's birth. It is still tender and private. That is the same with our grief over Will's diagnosis. We cannot talk about it over and over right now but we know that our friends and family love us and are still praying.
Will is our sweet boy. He is so full of cuddles and makes us laugh already. He is SIX pounds, one ounce. It is hard to believe he's so big!
Our biggest prayer right now is for him to be able to come home. This holding pattern makes everything more difficult. Please pray that he would take 48 hours of his bottles, that he would be able to have the NG tube removed and that he would be able to sustain his feedings after that. In that order, he will be able to come home.
I do not believe God makes mistakes and I do believe He is sovereign.
"The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me;
your love, O LORD, endures forever—
do not abandon the works of your hands." Psalm 138:8
8 comments:
As your friends, we are ever grateful for news you are willing to share with us. And we are always there when you wish to ask for anything. Thinking of you all, all the time, and so glad to hear about 6 pounds+! Cindy and J.
Just want you to know that I have been praying. I love you. Can't wait to see you in a few...
I've been praying for you--that you would find comfort and peace in knowing that this didn't just slip through God's fingers and fall onto your lap but came with His loving, protective, purposeful plan for Will's life. We posted another link to your blog from ours and will be praying that you get to bring your sweet baby home very soon.
We love you.
Aaron, Jill, Cannon and Meadow.
Lori--you are incredible! Although this situation is not what we think of as ideal, if you go back and read through your posts through this experience you will realize God is refining you into gold! We love your whole family and pray for you all every night!
I admire your strength and faithfulness. Will has the greatest parents, grandparents and big sister. What and honor God chose you as his mama!
I have you all in my prayers everyday. I truly admire your strength and your ability to share your thoughts and feelings.
We are praying for you. Please let us know if you need anything...Pete and Monica
Post a Comment