Last night and tonight, I am having my first sleepover at Children's Hospital. Will is doing fine and because he's interested in breastfeeding, I am staying here to fit in as many sessions as he's up for. He can realistically only handle one every six hours so I am doing the 12 and 6 o'clock feedings. This process is a roller coaster-- sometimes he does great, sometimes he sleeps. I am trying not to be frustrated but it's hard not to feel like I am doing something wrong. Again, eating should be such a natural process. His nurse said she's seen over and over again how preemies at his age would rather be comfortable than eat. She said one day he'll realize that he's really hungry and he'll never look back. It is amazing how, without me saying anything, the nurses often offer the perfect reassurance, comfort or piece of advice to give me a lift.
I had a lot of anxiety about staying here for 48 hours. It is really hard to leave Libby some days although I am always relieved to see Will. I felt really weird about sleeping at the hospital (although they have amazing accommodations for NICU families. They are little hotel rooms-- without a TV or minibar!). I was worried about being lonely or scared (it sounds stupid now). Anyway, as has been the pattern, our family offered the perfect services at the exactly right time. My mom came to our house and spent the night last night, my sister-in-law is watching Libby today and part of tomorrow. Libby is spending the night and part of the day tomorrow with Grandpa and Grandma Thomas. And, last night during Will's midnight-ish feeding, my sister-in-law, who works in the ER at Children's, came by for a visit since the ER was slow. It was so amazing to see her and be able to laugh and talk. I know she had no idea that it was my first time to spend the night or that I worried about being lonely, but I was so thankful for her kindness and presence. I slept so well for the 5 hours in between feedings and never once felt anxious or scared. I can't help but see it as just another example of God's compassion towards me.
I met Will's new doctor on rounds this morning. This will be his third so far. Because of Will's age, they are expecting more out of him. Since he hadn't had any low heart rates for 24 hours as of Tuesday, they took his pulse ox of his foot. That device kept track of his desaturation. I was really surprised by this since the nurse on Sunday said his desaturations earned him more caffeine and maybe a heart monitor at home. This morning, the doctor said they were going to take him off the caffeine altogether on Thursday or Friday. He said at Will's age, they expect him to grow out of the desats and as long as he isn't having low heart rates, he can come off the caffeine. They'll give him three days and if he starts having low heartrates again, they'll put him back on caffeine.
The only other change they made today was to start adding protein to his milk. I immediately thought of volunteering to eat more meat and eggs if my milk was substandard, but the doctor said that my milk matures as Will does but Will still needs the richer milk that comes earlier-- right after delivery. This gives it that extra protein. I was thankful it wasn't because of my diet (I hate eggs).
We're hoping to get a date for his homecoming soon but I don't see any of the telltale signs of that. He has to move in to a crib and be eating orally much more often than he is now.
Thank you for your prayers. We're still praying for his weight gain (he's between 4.12 and 4.13 as of last night), for the brightness around the triangles in his brain to disappear, for his breathing to be stable and now, for breastfeeding consistently. I'd appreciate prayers for patience through the breastfeeding process. Being so hormonal, it's easy to feel discouraged despite what I know is true about his age and ability. Please pray for Libby while she is away from me... actually, maybe you should pray for me as I am away from her! Andrew is able to take some time off to take care of Libby but work never stops. He's balancing all of these things well but please continue to pray for his peace and time management through all of this.
Thankfulness does not express how we feel towards anyone reading this. You are sharing a part of our lives that would be 100 times more difficult without knowing that we are loved and supported.
3 comments:
Hey Lori, I've been peeking at your blog and keeping up with little Will...and wanted to let you know that I've been praying especially for breastfeeding to go well. The girls and I REALLY struggled with that at first (even though they were full-term) and until 8 weeks or so, and so it's an issue close to my heart, since I know how hard it can be. Now I'm still BF them at 23 months and wondering what I'm going to do when our new little boy comes any day now and they have to be weaned. :)
He looks great Lori: you may not be able to notice since you see him every day, but he looks WAY more like a little baby now and less like a little preemie. He is really growing. We are so proud of you guys and can't wait to meet Will.
Even though all my babies were full term, they had the "sleepies" for weeks after delivery and it was so hard to keep them awake for nursing. God has already brought you so far and we are praying for you all every day and trusting His faithfulness. I was meditating today on how God knows every thought and every need of every person in the whole world at once! We have a big God and we need to keep remembering that!!
I don't know you, but I knew Terry and Carolyn when I was growing up. I am so glad you are doing this blog so we know how to keep praying for you!
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