Chemical Element

There is a verse in Job that says, "When he has tested me I will come forth as gold." Well, today all I want to be is aluminum.

It's the first day that I've felt like my heart is breaking. This feeling is so different as a mom and I think it hurts a lot more than other heartaches.

If you think about us today, please pray for my little family-- for the ability to love each other abundantly even though we feel like zombies, for the grace to continue at the pace we're going, for the strength to accept whatever news comes our way.

Will is having an okay day. He's having more episodes of apnea which the doctors expect for another week and then he's supposed to grow out of it. His saturation levels are okay but vary at times. He's on room air which means his vapotherm isn't pumping oxygen into his lungs, it's just keeping them inflated.

He moved up to 30 cc yesterday but had about 8 cc left in his belly last night after one of his feeds. They held him for an hour and he digested it and hasn't had anything left in his belly after his feeds. He and I had some kangaroo care time this morning for about three hours during which time his pulse ox kept going down. He was pretty gassy and wiggled a lot every once in a while and when I put him in his Isotherm... I discovered why. He had a HUGE poopy diaper-- nice and yellow. I was so proud! The nurse said that could have a been most of the cause of his trouble when I was holding him.

He was so alert during his assessment and even started rooting! I washed my hands and put my pinky in his mouth-- he'd suck for a couple of times and then have to rest. It was so cute! I am praying that this continues up until he can start breastfeeding.

Please pray for Will's apnea, his heart rate and the brightness around the triangles in his brain. Also, his belly was a teeny bit bigger during that last two assessments so please pray that this is just from retaining some air from the Vapotherm and not a sign of any bowel trouble or infection.
Thank you so much for all of your help and prayers. My grandparents left this morning to go home and I will miss them being here. They were an amazing help-- playing with Libby non-stop, cooking, unloading the dishwasher, folding laundry, driving me and setting out plants in my garden. They wanted to get some flowers that were perennials and would come up every year as a celebration of Will's birth. They are so beautiful! (The flowers and my grandparents!).